Make ‘Em French To This

Let’s face the damned facts: you’ve got problems. You waste too much time on the internet, reading dumbass music blogs, downloading music that nobody’s listened to since the Carter administration.

Your love life is straight wrecked. Your last date was at the Jay-Z show… in Second Life. And her avatar kind of looked like Andy Dick.

How you gonna get a lady that way?

Don’t sweat, my nerdy readers. Dr. Morebounce is here to help, and get you some sugar with that lovely lady (or gentleman) with a quickness.

The solution is simple: you need frenching music. Not just cheap bump and grind music - these are songs that are guaranteed to get your future lady makeout-ready, over and over again. In your Coupe DeVille, on the hi-fi, or on your portable tape recorder, you need to be in possession of these songs at all times.

Marvin Gaye
Let’s Get It On (Step Remix)
12″, 2004
Of course you already have the original “Let’s Get it On.” You’re not that far gone. But ladies like to dance. Oh lawd. You DO know how to dance, don’t you?

Dwele Feat. Styles P
I Think I Love U (Remix)
Some Kinda…, 2005
This joint will appeal to your indie hip hop crush: Dwele has that underground crooner appeal, and got-damn, that “Message” beat never gets old.

Mr.J. Medeiros Feat. Marty James
Half A Dream
Of Gods And Girls, 2007
Does your girl have self-esteem issues? Comfort her with this jammie, and serve her a fat sandwich. Then french her.

The Isley Brothers
Between The Sheets
Between The Sheets, 1982
If you don’t have this record in your regular date rotation right now, you have bigger problems than I can help you with.

Skillz Feat. D’Angelo
Babiwon
12″, 2006
Forget playing this for a lady. Memorize this shit and sang it, brother! It’s a sureshot. No woman can resist an offer to hot comb her hair and then go to church with her. And then you can Get. To. Frenching.