The Notorious B.I.G. Resurfaces, Likes Ring Dings

Almost 14 years ago, Sean “Puffy” Combs released a single from his latest protegé, a chubby rapper with a wicked wit who sounded like he was talking into a jar. Four days earlier, the MC with the ever-present Kangol and the sad eyes married his girlfriend of two weeks, and was still itching to sell crack, a routine he’d taken up in order to support his two year old daughter.

After August 8th, 1994, the rap game was never the same. “Juicy,” The Notorious B.I.G.’s lazy tale of makin’ it over a smooth Mtume sample, went on to sell 500,000 copies by November and started an entire hip hop movement, the remnants of which can still be seen today.

Biggie went on rule both charts and radio waves, and started all kinds of drama along the way, beginning with his flagrant affairs, continuing with his West coast rivalries, and ending with his 1997 murder, just a little over three years after it all began.

But earlier this year, Biggie’s been spotted online, commenting on blogs here and there, and gaining over 225 followers on his Twitter account. Is he alive? That’s not for us to ask; the question is too weighty. But what is for us to ask is this: what the hell has he been doing in the last 11 years?

Investigative reporter Aaron Matthews is on the case.

1. You’ve been quiet for a bit. When’s the next record coming out?

Poppa’s just takin his time to get his tracks straight. To tell you the truth, I’m talking to a couple of labels, so I ain’t sure who’s gonna release my new shit. Spendin’ a lot of time in the studio, though, cuttin’ shit up. Puffy ain’t around much, so it’s going a little slower than I thought.

2. I often see on your Twitter that you’re “ignoring Ma$e’s calls”. What’s wrong with that kid?

I know he’s Puffy’s man, but damn. I ain’t got nothin else to say about that. Motherfuckers ain’t actin right.

3. You still cool with Cease and Kim?

Word, my fam is fucked up. Cease and Kim in court?!? That shit ain’t right. But all my crew still my blood. Oh, and everybody know I’m still tappin’ Kim on the regular. Yes, she do look like she Chinese now, but her booty still fine.

4. Have you talked to Puff about his rapping? Or his dancing, for that matter?

Look, Puffy concentrating on other things. He got that raisin TV show, his clothing line for white people, some vodka bullshit, and threatening to kill people if they don’t vote. And on top of all that, he tryin’ to marry a 14 year old. So he ain’t got time for you triflin’ reporters talkin bout “he can’t dance,” or “he can’t rap.”

5. What is your drink of choice these days? Moët still a favorite?

Still a big Moët fan. But lately I been tryin’ out these new cups of coffee with chocolate at a place up in Bed Stuy called Starbucks. That shit’s my motherfuckin drink.

6. On a related note, what is Biggie’s snack of choice?

I’ve always been a Drake’s Ring Ding man. Fuck Devil Dogs. Ain’t nothin’ that shape ever comin up to Biggie’s lips. And I know I shouldn’t tryin’ to be havin’ all that cholesterol, but I can’t stay away from those motherfuckin’ omelettes at Bread Stuy. If you ain’t had one, get one. Eggs crispy around the edges, tender in the middle.

7. In 1994, it was a big deal having both the Super Nintendo AND the Sega Genesis. You fuck with any of these new videogame systems?

I’m thinking of tryin’ out that Wii. I saw that Mario Kart shit, that look fresh as hell. Poppa been down with Mario since Donkey Kong days up in that Duane Reade on Nostrand. I could fuck up a barrel. I do still have the Sega in the back of the Blazer, though.

8. When is the last time you saw Faith?

What the fuck kind of question is that?!? I seen her last night, this morning and this afternoon. I know we ain’t exactly rockin’ steady these days, but damn. She still my wife. Even if she can’t keep her fuckin’ hands off Biggie’s shit. Why a woman always puttin’ a nigga’s shit away? You leave motherfuckin’ slippers on the steps and next thing you know they up in the damn attic. Tell me, how’s Poppa supposed to get a midnight snack in fuckin’ bare feet? I got marble floors! And sometimes she act silent and shit, like Poppa ain’t even there, but that’s the way we always been. So we straight.

9. What do you think of Bad Boy in 2008?

They signing more fine honeys every day. I can’t talk about that sweet ass on Cassie, ’cause she Puffy’s girl. But I ain’t gonna lie, I did tap Cheri Dennis, Marina Chello and that Janelle Monae won’t quit pagin me. She one crazy bitch, but she got a taste of Big Poppa, I guess. But I ain’t fuckin’ with Danity Kane. Them bitches eat more than Biggie. At Puffy’s last barbecue, honeys ate up all the potato salad - it looked like a motherfuckin’ soup line, spoons flyin and bitches pullin’ out weaves. And you shoulda seen the macaroni salad. Scandalous.

10. Take us through an average day in the life of Big Poppa.

Ain’t no average day for Poppa. But it is all money, hoes and clothes.

The Notorious B.I.G.
Juicy
Ready To Die, 1994

Who Shot Ya
Ready To Die, 1994

Kick In The Door
Life After Death, 1997

Come On (ft. Sadat X)
Born Again, 1999

Party and Bullshit (Ratatat remix)
Ratatat Remixes vol. 2, 2007