It’s Valentine’s day today, and here at Morebounce Publications, that means just one thing: lots of love. We may come across as hardened old goats, but deep down inside, we’re softies. And we got love for you, dear readers. If you were here right now, we’d french every one of you. That’s how much we feel in our hearts today. Yes, we’d get tired, and we’d run out of spit, but if that’s what it took to show our love, we’d put in that extra effort.
But keep them meat hooks to yourself, cause I got a man and I don’t get down like that.
Anyway! In honor of our deep and tender feelings on this day: six of the deepest and sweetest joints of all time. Happy Valentine’s day.
Bahamadia Real Love Good Rap Music, 2006
We love Bahamadia, don’t we? Remember how we used to make out to Kollage all the time?
Lionel Richie Love Will Conquer All Dancing On The Ceiling, 1986
Do NOT front with me and act like you don’t bump this on the downlow. We are in love, which means I know you better than that.
D’Angelo I Found My Smile Again Yoda: The Monarch Of Neo-Soul, 2007
I thought I’d spice up our relationship with some straight hotness, personified in D’Angelo. I do not care if he’s fat or a smack fiend; I would french the hell out of him any damn day. What’s that? No, of course he’s not hotter than you, silly. C’mere.
Quincy Jones Feat. James Ingram One Hundred Ways The Dude, 1981
Learn it.
Force M.D.’s Tender Love Tender Love, 1985
The best harmonizing from the best r&b group of the ’80s. The BEST. Remember that honey hanging out the window in the video? No? Let me fresh your memory:
Let’s face the damned facts: you’ve got problems. You waste too much time on the internet, reading dumbass music blogs, downloading music that nobody’s listened to since the Carter administration.
Your love life is straight wrecked. Your last date was at the Jay-Z show… in Second Life. And her avatar kind of looked like Andy Dick.
How you gonna get a lady that way?
Don’t sweat, my nerdy readers. Dr. Morebounce is here to help, and get you some sugar with that lovely lady (or gentleman) with a quickness.
The solution is simple: you need frenching music. Not just cheap bump and grind music - these are songs that are guaranteed to get your future lady makeout-ready, over and over again. In your Coupe DeVille, on the hi-fi, or on your portable tape recorder, you need to be in possession of these songs at all times.
Marvin Gaye Let’s Get It On (Step Remix) 12″, 2004
Of course you already have the original “Let’s Get it On.” You’re not that far gone. But ladies like to dance. Oh lawd. You DO know how to dance, don’t you?
Dwele Feat. Styles P I Think I Love U (Remix) Some Kinda…, 2005
This joint will appeal to your indie hip hop crush: Dwele has that underground crooner appeal, and got-damn, that “Message” beat never gets old.
Mr.J. Medeiros Feat. Marty James Half A Dream Of Gods And Girls, 2007
Does your girl have self-esteem issues? Comfort her with this jammie, and serve her a fat sandwich. Then french her.
The Isley Brothers Between The Sheets Between The Sheets, 1982
If you don’t have this record in your regular date rotation right now, you have bigger problems than I can help you with.
Skillz Feat. D’Angelo Babiwon 12″, 2006
Forget playing this for a lady. Memorize this shit and sang it, brother! It’s a sureshot. No woman can resist an offer to hot comb her hair and then go to church with her. And then you can Get. To. Frenching.
Can you please wear hats more often? Specifically, the tweedy flat-cap types worn by ’40s American newsboys, the British beginning in the late 19th century, and oh, yes: Common?
It would really help me. Because I do enjoy looking at well turned-out fellas. And also, I enjoy listening to them (see Justin Timberlake, Prince, Rakim, D’Angelo back when he was naked, etc.).
Now don’t get me wrong. I find Common totally frenchable, but not just for his hats. It’s also his whole conscious hip hop thing, spiritual vibe, straight funkiness and that deep, resonant voice that, somehow, always sounds like he has a (totally adorable!) sinus condition.
I have to admit, it’s been a minute since I pulled out the Common records. After he released his critic’s favorite, Be, I had serious overload. But I don’t blame my fantasy boyfriend for that; I blame the album’s ubiquitous producer: Kanye West. Why not? Kanye’s a dick, and he’s pretty much a human ruiner of anything good or fun.
But then I saw this. Ta-DOW! A tweedy hat, crisp shirt and gold tie!?! I will give this brother peace, love, or whatever he asks for. It’s back ON, Common.
It’s Valentine’s day today, and here at Morebounce Publications, that means just one thing: lots of love. We may come across as hardened old goats, but deep down inside, we’re softies. And we got love for you, dear readers. If you were here right now, we’d french every one of you. That’s how much we feel in our hearts today. Yes, we’d get tired, and we’d run out of spit, but if that’s what it took to show our love, we’d put in that extra effort.
Let’s face the damned facts: you’ve got problems. You waste too much time on the internet, reading dumbass music blogs, downloading music that nobody’s listened to since the Carter administration.
Can you please wear hats more often? Specifically, the tweedy flat-cap types worn by ’40s American newsboys, the British beginning in the late 19th century, and oh, yes: Common?