It’s Valentine’s day today, and here at Morebounce Publications, that means just one thing: lots of love. We may come across as hardened old goats, but deep down inside, we’re softies. And we got love for you, dear readers. If you were here right now, we’d french every one of you. That’s how much we feel in our hearts today. Yes, we’d get tired, and we’d run out of spit, but if that’s what it took to show our love, we’d put in that extra effort.
But keep them meat hooks to yourself, cause I got a man and I don’t get down like that.
Anyway! In honor of our deep and tender feelings on this day: six of the deepest and sweetest joints of all time. Happy Valentine’s day.
Bahamadia Real Love Good Rap Music, 2006
We love Bahamadia, don’t we? Remember how we used to make out to Kollage all the time?
Lionel Richie Love Will Conquer All Dancing On The Ceiling, 1986
Do NOT front with me and act like you don’t bump this on the downlow. We are in love, which means I know you better than that.
D’Angelo I Found My Smile Again Yoda: The Monarch Of Neo-Soul, 2007
I thought I’d spice up our relationship with some straight hotness, personified in D’Angelo. I do not care if he’s fat or a smack fiend; I would french the hell out of him any damn day. What’s that? No, of course he’s not hotter than you, silly. C’mere.
Quincy Jones Feat. James Ingram One Hundred Ways The Dude, 1981
Learn it.
Force M.D.’s Tender Love Tender Love, 1985
The best harmonizing from the best r&b group of the ’80s. The BEST. Remember that honey hanging out the window in the video? No? Let me fresh your memory:
I have always loved loved loved Nas, ever since the Illmatic days. From “NY State of Mind” to “Play On Playa,” I’ve been his straight up Stan.
But what has God’s Son done now? Is he seriously flipping Nipsey Emmer-Effin’ Russell on his new track? From the 1978 cinematic masterpiece The Wiz?
Just so I can be clear here: Nas, Nipsey, and a wistful tin man ballad… ALL IN ONE SONG. Is there there any doubt that not only is Nas a hip hop pioneer, but also a man of impeccable taste?
Nas Surviving the Times N*gga, 2007**
I love this so much I am crying right now.
Nipsey Russell What Would I Do If I Could Feel? OST, The Wiz, 1978
*Sigh.* Nipsey, if you could feel, you would surely come back from your grave and do a little soft shoe for Nas. He done you right.
Nipsey Russell Slide Some Oil To Me/Now Watch Me Dance OST, The Wiz, 1978
My favorite part of this is when the wooden chorus sings backup on the boards. Aww. Watching this makes me sad that Nipsey’s gone.
Quincy Jones Poppy Girls OST, The Wiz, 1978
Ooh, this was the nasty part! Sounds kind of like The O’Jays’ “For the Love of Money,” only dirtier, and with more cheeba cheeba. I didn’t realize this was a straight ’70s porn jammie until I was about 32.
Michael Jackson You Can’t Win 12″, 1979
I know I already posted this a while back, but any disco joint with a floppy scarecrow and funked-up dancing crows deserves another listen. After the soundtrack came out, this song was so popular that MJ released a disco 12″. This is the kind of thing that makes me bitter that I wasn’t old enough for the clubs in the ’70s. A girl can dream…
**This is a rumored title. Def Jam says “hells naw,” but Nas’ PR crew confirms: “buhleedat.”
If you were recording an impossibly funky dance album in 1984, what would you wear to the photo shoot for the cover? Stop thinking! Here is your checklist:
Don’t front like you don’t have those things in your closet right now. If you read this blog, you’re the type, end of story.
Back in boogie’s heydey, O’Bryan McCoy Burnette Jr. rocked every last one of those things, and together with Don emmer-effin’ Cornelius, put out some of the funkiest jammies to ever get up in your pleated jeans. Recognize:
O’Bryan The Gigolo Doin’ Alright, 1982
Look, I have no idea what this song is about. Something about a disrespectful guy who won’t dance? Just listen to it, it’s hot as hell.
I’m Freaky You And I You And I, 1983
Ladies, just because he’s shy - that doesn’t mean that he’s the guy for you. It does mean that he’s freaky, though, so bust it! Oh, and “You and I” is some easy listening slow jam written by Stevie Wonder.
Lovelite Be My Lover, 1984
O’Bryan knows how to make a damn video! “Lovelite” has everything you will ever ask for: robot dancing, jumpsuits, bare boobies, and jheri curls, jheri curls, jheri curls! Li’l Jon, are you listening? Warning: bare thonged man-ass at 1:48.
I know I have a problem. I know that New Jack Swing isn’t real dance music, and Swing Beat isn’t real hip hop. True, authentic hip hop is much more artistic, thoughtful, and um… more raw… or something? Anybody… ?
But look! I am only one woman here. Do you really expect me to resist the bouncy, funky kick of a Heavy D jam? And really, it’s not that corny - there’s James Brown samples up in there. That’s kind of legit, right? No? Okay, what about this: the Overweight Lover had a badass crew. I mean, he rolled with Pete Rock, Puffy, Biggie, Mary J., and Teddy Riley. I lost you on the Teddy Riley, didn’t I.
Fine. All y’all can sit up there in your Air Force Ones, rocking your Paid in Full with your folks up in Brooklyn. I’ll be right here doing the running man in my Hammer pantz.
Heavy D. and the Boyz Mr. Big Stuff (Remix) Living Large, 1987 Diddley D’s first hit. Impossibly catchy, with that tch-tch-tch sound that was about two years before its peak in 1989. Bonus cowbell at the bridge.
We Got Our Own Thang Big Tyme, 1989 You know if Puffy’s anywhere near the studio, he’s sho nuff gonna get up in your song. I don’t know if this one would have ever sounded so fresh without Uptown’s Most Famous Intern mumbling something about being ready to “drop it.” Dag, that brother needs to go take a bathroom break once in a while!
However! “We Got Our Own Thang” is ridiculous smooth, and it has the holy psalm of New Jack Swing breaks, the Godfather’s Funky President (People It’s Bad). So you know it’ll make you kick step like it’s 1990.
More Bounce Big Tyme, 1989 Not >bounce/oz’s inspiration, but close. This joint sits on a damn Ritz.
I decided not to do a post about Christmas music. Not to be a Scrooge or Chuck D or anything, but it’s all been written and posted before. And how many times can brothers remake Silent Night? If you want some holiday cheer, head on over to allupinyourearhole for the best Xmas cuts you’re ever gonna hear.
And likewise, I am not feeling all those year-end “best of” lists. They don’t make any sense - if you love music, your top 10 changes on the daily. And this month’s Pump That Bass just might be next month’s Get That Shit Off My Stereo (see: Kanye West).
But there is a whole body of music out there that never, ever made anybody’s “best of” anything list, yet it’s totally lovable. It’s crappy, truly insipid music that somehow sneaks back into our headphones time after time, when we think nobody else is paying attention. Now that’s my kind of list.
Morebounce’s Top 10 Songs You’ll Never See on a Top 10 List
1.
Soundmaster T Too Much Booty in the Pants 12″, 1994
With a title like that, you pretty much know what you’re getting. So don’t stop, git it git it!
2.
Ready For The World Oh Sheila Ready For The World, 1985
From the fake English accent to the “unh. unh. unh,” a terrible song. But it will get stuck in your dome and have you crotch-thrusting for days.
3.
New Edition Cool It Now New Edition, 1984
Extreme popcorn, one-dimensional deliciousness.
4.
Chubb Rock Treat ‘Em Right The One, 1990
Repetitive and boring. Even so, I remember the DJ at The Warehouse playing this four times one night, and the crowd screamed each time.
5.
Micheal Jackson You Can’t Win The Wiz Original Soundtrack, 1978
Disco jam, sung by dancing crows. But hot enough for the label to press a 12″ in 1979!
7.
Def Dames Irresistible Bitch 2-Large, 1991
Oh, you thought Irresistible Bitch was a Prince song? Well, it is. But if you play that song, and then talk over the top of it about all the shit you own, that’s the joint!
8.
Monie Love Monie in the Middle Down to Earth, 1990
Dumbass song about two 12-year-olds fighting over a 10-year old. It will make you bust it.
9.
L’Trimm Cars With The Boom Grab It!, 1988
These girls can’t rap, can’t dress, and sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks. But that beat in the beginning, right after they say, “hit it!” kills me every time.
10.
AMG Tha Booty Up 12″, 1991
I was going to post Double Dutch Bus, but then I thought, “what could make that song more stupid?” So now I’m posting this. You will love it.
It’s time Morebounce gave some love to The Gap Band; they’ve had it pretty rough over the years. After getting no critical respect at all for their ’70s funk, the three Wilson brothers from Tulsa finally scored a few club hits in the early ’80s. Bangin’ hot funky joints - and then urban radio promptly played the shit out of them, straight onto everybodys last nerve.
For real: if you were born before 1974, you probably still can’t listen to You Dropped a Bomb on Me without wincing.
If that story isn’t sad enough for you, just look at them. Somebody’s momma dressed these poor boys in rainbows and cowboy hats. It seemed The Gap Band didn’t even have a chance.
But as we all know, time has a way of healing the musical memory, and tempering even the most painful outfits. The Gap Band deserves a little respect. The truth is, these brothers kicked out some stanky hot jumps. Jumps that stand up to all the radio play, rainbow shirts and general ’80s malaise you can throw at them.
And I’m not the only crazy that thinks so. Hip hop artists across the board finally got love for some Gap Band. Besides raking in all their sampling royalties, the Wilson three spend their time producing and even guesting for hip hop heavies.
Outstanding Gap Band IV, 1982
Way overplayed. Still nice, though.
You Dropped A Bomb On Me Gap Band IV, 1982
Do not ever play this around me or I swear to Rakim, I will crack you one.
Party Train Gap Band V - Jammin’, 1983
Best party song ever made, hottest video. Just try not to bounce.
Beep A Freak Gap Band VI, 1984
Hey, everyone else was doing songs about computers, why not?
Snoop Dogg Featuring Charlie Wilson and Justin Timberlake Signs R & G (Rhythm & Gangsta) The Masterpiece, 2004
Snoop, Justin AND Charlie Wilson?!? Now that’s just too much for me.
It’s Valentine’s day today, and here at Morebounce Publications, that means just one thing: lots of love. We may come across as hardened old goats, but deep down inside, we’re softies. And we got love for you, dear readers. If you were here right now, we’d french every one of you. That’s how much we feel in our hearts today. Yes, we’d get tired, and we’d run out of spit, but if that’s what it took to show our love, we’d put in that extra effort.
I have always loved loved loved Nas, ever since the Illmatic days. From “NY State of Mind” to “Play On Playa,” I’ve been his straight up Stan.
If you were recording an impossibly funky dance album in 1984, what would you wear to the photo shoot for the cover? Stop thinking! Here is your checklist:
I decided not to do a post about Christmas music. Not to be a Scrooge or Chuck D or anything, but it’s all been written and posted before. And how many times can brothers remake 
It’s time Morebounce gave some love to The Gap Band; they’ve had it pretty rough over the years. After getting no critical respect at all for their ’70s funk, the three Wilson brothers from Tulsa finally scored a few club hits in the early ’80s. Bangin’ hot funky joints - and then urban radio promptly played the shit out of them, straight onto everybodys last nerve.