Entries Tagged 'old school' ↓

When was the last time you heard a decent cowbell in a song? Of course, you can hear your run-of-the-mill “Low Rider” and “Hey Ladies” any damn day.

But a well-placed cowbell is really a gift. Deceptively tinny and deceivingly lowbrow, the cowbell is a creeper instrument. It starts out with a little tink-tink sound - you barely know it’s there - often growing more pronounced until folks are shaking asses up, down and all around without even knowing what got them there.

However! The cowbell can also be an instrument of evil. Beware the cowbell’s unnatural power over weddings and bar mitzvahs, as evidenced in Wild Cherry’s “Play That Funky Music” and the most wretched of all cowbell songs, Tone Loc’s “Funky Cold Medina.”

Let’s get to the awards: here are my five all-time favorite cowbell joints, in ascending order.

5.
Master Jay & Michael Dee
T.S.O.B.
12″, 1980
Perfect, perfect. So perfect. Master Jay & Michael Dee spit over the Sound of Brooklyn, which I guess is a couple of hot boogie breaks, a kick, a snare and a cowbell the size of Madison Square Garden.

4.
Sugarhill Gang
8th Wonder
8th Wonder, 1981
Cowbell use here is almost under the radar, creating the unconscious funkiness. But still: Woo-Hah! They got you all in check.

3.
Michael Jackson
Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough
Off The Wall, 1979
Nothing much needs to be said here, except DAMN, MIKE! If you were thinking right, you woulda spent all that surgery money on a time machine and a week of Quincy Jones’ production. You coulda been somebody again…

2.
Quincy Jones
Sanford & Son (The Streetbeater)
45, 1973
And speaking of Quincy, how could such a fine-ass man write such a nasty, funky TV theme? It sounds like a LeMans with no muffler, Fat Albert and a rusty old cowbell.

1.
Sergio Mendes Brasil ‘88
I’ll Tell You
Magic Lady, 1979
This has got to be the hottest cowbell song of all time. It has everything: handclaps, growling female vocalist, and the lyrics make no damn sense. It’s like somebody poked their head in the studio to ask for directions to the Piggly Wiggly or some shit, and Sergio said, “Write zees down! Eet’s a song!” or however you say it in Brazilian. And then he brought out the cowbell and it was ON.

So what about you? What’s your favorite cowbell song? Don’t act like you don’t have one.

My sweet, dear reader(s): I’ve been gone, it’s true. Morebounce has been crazy busy, for real. Work’s got me hustling it harder than Weezy at the VMAs, and then I took a vacation to my old hood up in the Dirty D.

My trip to Detroit was fresher than wonder bread - tasty food, nice wine, and the lampin was out of control. So you know I was all up in some of my jammies from back in the day. Now, radio in general gets the gas face, but damn, I miss my WJLB. Especially after 10, when they get it started for the old folks!

So I thought I’d post a few joints that bring me straight back to The Warehouse, Taboo, The Shelter, and some of those other broke-ass clubs in which I spent my formative years:

3rd Bass
Steppin’ to the AM
The Cactus Album, 1989
Oh lurrd, I wore this tape out in the Plymouth Horizon.

Wham!
Young Guns (Go For It!)
Fantastic, 1983
This was a staple in the Federlein household. What with its rebellious anti-marriage theme and charming English-as-a-second-language title, we just couldn’t resist. Highly amusing banter from that toilet-cruiser, weed-lovin’ George Michael.

Bizzie Boyz
This is How it Should Be Done
Droppin’ It, 1989
Oh HELL. This was my jam. In 1989, dropping this meant jiggling asses and spandex skirts at the Warehouse. Not that I ever wore that filth.

MC Fosty & Lovin’ C
Radio Activity Rapp
12″, 1984
In 1983, Royal Cash released the original version of this song, and MC Fosty of LA’s Rappers Rapp Group flipped it up the next year, making it a huge hit in Detroit clubs. And my old place, Spanky’s: the destination club for Detroit’s finest teen break dancers.

Lillo Thomas
I’m In Love (Longer Luv Mix)
12″, 1987
This was all over Detroit radio back in the day. It’s got those crazy ’80s synthy basslines, and meaningless lyrics; in other words, my jay-um!

Cybotron
Cosmic Cars
12″, 1982
Juan Atkin’s second release ever, and the one song that instantly brings me back to my early teens. With its futuristic vibe and ridiculously funky car horn, it’s the quintessential Detroit techno joint.

MC Lyte is an awfully nice lady, I’m sure. She’s confident, accomplished, and has street cred for days. And don’t get me wrong, she’s grown and sexy and lookin’ cute these days.

But on the real - honey dip used to look like she was in New Edition. Which, if you think about it, isn’t really that much of an insult. Except maybe in the case of that fish-eyed Ronnie. Sorry, Lyte.

Miss Lana Michele Moorer had more going for her than her tube socks and sideburns, though. With a little help from her brothers (who happened to be Audio Two’s Milk Dee and Gizmo), MC Lyte released some of the most influential hip hop of the late ’80s.

Her self-assured rhyming, Brooklyn swagger and hip hop running through her blood made MC Lyte destined to blow up. Just by dropping the now-famous rhyme “when you say you love me/It doesn’t matter/it goes to my head as just chit-chatter,” MC Lyte casually took on every ruffneck MC in a rope chain. She always held her own against the brothers - and not just because she rocked the same 8 ball jacket, either. When MC Lyte came out, the collective response in the hip hop community was respect, because she demanded it. Hell yes.

All you have to do is flip an old copy of “Paper Thin” on a turntable to see some folks throw it down, even today.

Sinead O’Connor Feat. MC Lyte
I Want Your (Hands On Me) (Street Remix)
12″, 1988
This was the first time I’d ever heard of Sinead O’Connor. She looked like a crazy bald alien, but I thought she couldn’t be all bad if she dropped this heat with MC Lyte. Turns out, she actually is a crazy bald alien.

MC Lyte
Paper Thin (Audio 2 Remix)
12″, 1988
There is no match for this remix. Hot to death.

Lyte As A Rock
Lyte As A Rock, 1988
Her anthem. There’s not much to this track but a snare and a kick drum, but damn. Also: hilarious intro/grammar lesson.

Cha Cha Cha
Eyes On This, 1989
Ooh, that bass line. Kick this one here for me and my DJ.

Ruffneck
Ain’t No Other, 1993
This is about the time dude started to look like a lady. Also when she adopted that New Jack Swing ch-ch-ch sound. See? New Jack Swing is good for everybody! Buhleedat!

I think we’re all in agreement in these corners of the Inter Nets that there has been a grip of terrible hip hop coming out lately. From weak ass songs about nothing to crazy joints about makeup, it seems like folks ain’t got nothing to say, and they got the busted beats to match.

These people need to stop. And I need to stop with the Digiwaxx; it’s making me straight up tired. It’s enough to make a girl take a vinegar rag to the forehead over here.

And yet…

A proper dig in any repectable DJ’s crate will turn up stacks of records that say nothing and sound like nothing. And these nothing records are straight up classics. They’re anthems, songs that turn the party out that everyone knows, even if it’s just through Diddy’s references.

Strangely, whether they’re Kinfolk Kia Shine (who is naming these babies?!?! -ed.) or Ice-T, they all pretty much go like this:

- I’m hot/fly/rich
- I get girls
- I do this over nothing more than a drum track and maybe a few notes

So how does it happen that crazy dumb songs catch on so hard, for so long? Dag, I dunno. But my point is that lots of the classics aren’t structurally or thematically that different from today’s crap music.

Maybe we all need to give poor Kinfolk another listen. Oh, HELL naw. I’m old, I ain’t got that kind of time anymore.

Rock Master Scott and the Dynamic Three
The Roof is On Fire
12″, 1985
There is perhaps none more classic than this jammie. Yet, it makes no damned sense.

Schoolly D
PSK-What Does It Mean?
12″, 1987
Oh, hell. Your guess is as good as mine.

Doug E. Fresh and the Get Fresh Crew
The Show
12″, 1985
A whole song that sounds like it should be the introduction to another song. But you know you love that shit when Doug “needs a shoe horn/’cause these shoes always hurt my corns.” It’s magic.

Jimmy Spicer
Money (Dollar Bill Y’all)
12″, 1983
Read the title. Repeat. There - you will have this in your head all night.

UTFO
Leader of the Pack
UTFO, 1984
Watch out, wack DJs! This is not fiction, this is all fact! Lots of scratching.

Special Ed
I Got It Made
Youngest In Charge, 1989
When his hair was growin too long, Ed got him a fade; when his dishes got dirty, he got Cascade. This song, in its entirety, has two notes in it. And it’s brilliant.

Chris “The Glove” Taylor Feat. Ice-T
Reckless
Breakin’ Original Soundtrack, 1984
Seriously Ice T? “When you talk of MCs, Ice-T is the best/and when you talk of DJs, forget the rest - Glove’s reckless?” This was li’l Ice-T’s major label debut, and his rhymes were seriously busted. But for some reason, this record makes turntablists all weepy.

Oh SNAP! Remember Ultimate Force, that Diamond D/MC Master Rob hookup that put out “I’m Not Playin’?” That cut was stupid, ridiculous fresh back then, and still burns it up today.

Unfortunately, that was Ultimate Force’s only record. They cut a full LP to put out in 1989, but some crazy label wackness at the time prevented its release.

UNTIL NOW.

Getcha self a paper bag, girl, ’cause that rekkid’s gonna drop on March 27th. Oooh, I caught the vapors up in here!

Ultimate Force
I’m Not Playin’
12″, 1989

C’mon Feat. Fat Joe
I Gotta Go
Supreme Diamond D
Tuff (So Damn)
I’m Not Playin’, 2007

Big ups to Oh Word and Cold Rock Da Spot for the 411.

Remember that crazy white band Was (Not Was) from the ’80s? With those busted Ray Bans and Sammy Hagar hair? Don Was, the dude with the nappy hair, happened to be one of the illest producers around.

Now, those of you who are not from Detroit and still remember that unfortunate dinosaur jam, stay with me here. Not only did Don go on to become a Grammy-winning producer in the ’90s, his early ’80s work produced some of the funkiest joints this side of Nile Rodgers. In fact, he took an old broken-down Sonny & Cher song, flipped it up, and produced the delicious electro-funk remake The Beat Goes On.

So when I bought this 12″, I would have been perfectly happy for the rest of my life just owning this gem. But then I flipped it over to see what was on the other side, and OH. MY. GOD.

Flamethrower Rap!!!! Right there, on the other side, was a song I had been trying to remember for at least a month. All I could hear in my head was, “Are you ready to throw down? Yes! We! Are!” It wigged me out that I couldn’t remember the song, and here it was, a perfect sendup of the J. Geils song, in my hands. Mixed by the one and only Don Was.

And without dinosaurs of any kind.

Orbit and Carol Hall
The Beat Goes On
12″, 1982
Straight up one of the best electro jumps ever.

Sonny and Cher
The Beat Goes On
In Case You’re In Love, 1967
I don’t get it.

Felix and Jarvis
Flamethrower Rap
12″, 1982
If you’re not ready to throw down yet, you will be.

The J. Geils Band
Flamethrower
Freeze Frame, 1981
I’m not a huge J. Geils fan, but this bassline is the dopest.

Was (Not Was)
Walk the Dinosaur
What Up, Dog?, 1987
Download this if you hate yourself.

It might be hard to believe, but Morebounce used to be kind of a dumbass. On the real: I used to do really stupid shit - like walk out on jobs, shoplift, and wear high heels with parachute pants.

And I remember saying that I would never, ever listen to blues. That shit was for old white drunks; and really, it was one belt buckle away from country western.

But this sister is grown now, and music isn’t so black and white to me any more. If you listen to music with a critical ear, you know that musical influences come from anywhere and everywhere, and you really can’t hate on a whole genre. Except that country shit - you know Morebounce don’t get down like that!

Lately, I’ve been feeling these crazy hip hop joints with twangy blues guitar hooks. With all the slick funk samples coming out of the houses of Diddy and Jay-Z, it’s kind of nice to hear something as raw and unpolished as these breaks.

Takes me right back to the ’80s. Now, where did I put those parachute pants?

Ultimate Force
I’m Not Playing
12″, 1989
Produced by Diamond D; hot to death. Get ready to squint, wag your dome and possibly pucker your lips. Would not have been possible without:

Albert King
Cold Feet
King of the Blues Guitar, 1969

Nas
Where Are They Now
Hip Hop is Dead, 2006
Respectful youngster name checks all the hip hop pioneers up in this. But it’s the hook that will grab you in the biscuits. Thanks to R$ for kicking down:

James Brown
Get Up, Get Into It, Get Involved
Revolution Of The Mind, 1971

When it comes to snooty criticism of modern hip hop, I rarely agree with the mainstream. But there is a line of thought I do get down with: hip hop takes itself too seriously these days. If the block party MC godfathers could hear all the bunk that Diddy and The Game are droppin’, they’d be rolling over in their satin jackets and tube socks.

And not only do I agree with the critics, I will take them one step further. With the possible exception of People Under the Stairs, nobody writes decent raps about food any more. I mean, if you need to know what to drink the next time you’re up in a Bentley, any urban format radio station can hook you up.

But what if you’re going to Sbarro? Are you supposed to guess what to expect at the all-you-can-eat buffet? No need, my brother, if you’re bumpin’ your trusty Fat Boys in the tape deck.

Prince Markie Dee, the Human Beat Box and Kool Rock-Ski will not only give you the haps on the snacks, they will astound and amaze you with groundbreaking beatboxing, smooth bass-heavy hooks, and classic ’80s snare-ish hand claps.

Unfortunately, despite all they contributed to hip hop, the Fat Boys never seemed to get the respect they deserved. Maybe it was because they didn’t really take themselves all that seriously, or maybe it was that wack Swatch campaign. But what they did have was a charming and unmistakeable earnestness that was only possible because they were so talented, and hip hop was still in its infancy.

In fact, their bio is filled with sweet stories like this: after winning a record contract in their first major MC battle, the erstwhile Disco 3 were disappointed. What they really wanted was second prize: a stereo. Don’t you just want to take them home and give them some pie?

These hefty hideaway boys will always have a special place in my heart.
Check my favorite tracks:

Jail House Rap
Can You Feel It
Human Beat Box
Fat Boys, 1984

Fat Boys Are Back
Fat Boys Are Back, 1985

All You Can Eat
Krush Groove, Original Soundtrack, 1985